Stark raving hornets!

Okay, so the hornets weren’t the only ones going berserk.  My kids were too.  And in the end, I probably looked a little touched in the head myself.  But I am getting ahead of myself.  Let’s backtrack a bit and spin a little tale…

I sat in the warm van feeling sluggish and worn.  My crochet hook lazily moved through the dishcloth cotton and I was entertaining thoughts of just setting the project aside.  Ring bell, ring…  I want to go home.  I sat willing time to speed up from it’s crawl and mentally imploring the boys to hurry out from class.  But of course they would stop at the playground.  They always do.  Sigh…  Would I look comical if I just shut my eyes for a minute?  Or just pathetic?

Oh, glory!  Children are streaming out of every door in sight.  Come boys, come on.  Mom’s sooooo tired.  Dozens of children and parents made their way past my window but still no sight of the two faces I really wanted to see.  The playground started to look really empty.  At last!  There they were.  On the playground.  Okay, look over here so I can motion you over.  Look… look… look…

And then a terrible screech.  My oldest son sprinted toward us, his mouth sprung wide around his urgent cries and a hand clapped to his ear.  “Oh the pain!” he wailed “Am I bleeding?”  Examining his injury was a challenge as he writhed around on the passenger seat.  It eventually became apparent that the source of his trauma was a hornet.  “I wanna go home right now!” sobbed the traumatized child.  He stumbled back to his seat and locked his seat belt in.  I tried to console him as I moved the van away from the curb.

Tears and sadness as we drove all the way around the school building, past a neighborhood and pulled up to a stop sign.  I was still trying to soothe my boy.  The van had just roared onto a busier street when a shriek erupted from the back of the van.  “Get it off of me!  It’s hurting me!  Ahhhhh!!!”  I whipped the van into a nearby field.  It seems the hornet had hitched a ride.  It had it’s way with two of my children.  It sure was not getting the other two!  Hands were pounding on the side passenger door as I flung the trunk open.  I hurried around to the passenger door and boys spilled out of it as soon as I dragged it open.  The first to be stung ran around the van screaming to be rescued.  The most recently wounded was wailing at the large puncture wound in his abdomen.  It took a lot to persuade them to sit in the passenger seat so I could chase the hornet away.

Even with four of the five doors wide open, evacuating the hornet was no easy feat.  I clapped the trunk door shut when it finally flew out.  I hustled the boys back into their seats and closed the side passenger door.  Disbelief flooded over me as the hornet flew back in through the front passenger door.  Four voices marked the rising stress level inside.  Doors were hurled back open.  The hornet was painstakingly ushered back out again and doors were clamped shut.  The blasted hornet flew back inside when I tried to get in to drive home.  Four times we repeated this nonsense.  Intention soon changed from chasing off to seek and destroy!

Suddenly, there were two hornets bombarding me!  Swirling around me and diving in too close for my comfort.  I was aware of vehicles passing by but still I lunged about the field, flailing my arms above my head.  I had to look like a crazy loon.  Still, my erratic moves paid off.  I was at last able to take a hasty retreat to the shelter of the van.  The tears were mostly waning as we approached our house.  Even so, my oldest (and most dramatic) vows not to go outside ever again!

Have a great (hornet free) day!

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